Anna, Wake Up

Have you ever reached a point where you’re tired of feeling alone, scared, and trapped in the hopelessness of a toxic relationship? With each day that passes, I feel more and more hopeless, and I’m scared this cycle of misery will never end. My father abused my mother, and now my boyfriend is abusing me. Do I accept that this life is my fate? Or is the universe trying to show me another way?

Excerpt: I looked over at the large dark lump in the corner of the bed, Mike. He had not moved. I gave my bedroom a final once-over and closed the bedroom door. I walked over to Jacobs’s crib, where he was sound asleep sucking his thumb, wrapped him in one of his receiving blankets, and picked him up. Careful not to disturb Mike, Jacob and I smoothly slid under the covers in bed next to him. Some mothers sleep with their infants to nurse them more comfortably through the night; I did it to keep Mike off of me.

With Jacobs’s tiny sleeping features inches from my own, Mike disappeared, my drunken mother faded away, and it was just Jacob and me. I listened to his tiny breaths and watched his eyes dance under his lids; he was dreaming. I touched Jacob’s soft cheek and ran my finger towards the corner of his mouth, and for a second, it looked like he was smiling. I stroked his silky, delicate brown hair, closed my eyes, and smiled.

“How come you never put him in between us?” My eyes shot open as Mike interrupted my peaceful moment. He was still alert enough to try and start another fight.

“I told you before; fathers tend to roll over onto their kids.” I re-explained, “they don’t have the motherly instinct to stop them,”

“Whatever, you just don’t want me to be close to him.”